while I'm waiting…

Having a good appetite has always been a challenge for me. But there are some dishes that will instantly make me eat with gusto. One of them is tuyo and eggs scrambled with onions and tomatoes. Ahhh… even just the thought of it makes me hungry… Hmmm…

(photo source)

I usually eat with just my hands when the dish is tuyo and egg. And I eat – A LOT. Nothing like having tuyo during the rainy season! Yummm!!!

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My other favorite foods are all “killer foods”, meaning they are high in sodium, cholesterol and everything else that will make me “foreer young” (because I would die young). Sometimes when someone sees me eat lots of isaw, I tell them I’m committing suicide – eating all the delicious “killer foods”. And when they ask me to share, I’d tell them, fine, it’s like sharing your death sentence hehehe! Okay, but those are just jokes. But how delicious these Filipino delicacies are – is no joke. I cannot even start blogging about them because a lot of food bloggers have already featured them, but well, aside from isaw, I also LOVE balut, lechon, crispy pata (pig’s feet), crispy ulo (pig’s head), chicharon, sisig, pinapaitan, dinuguan, and a lot more (mostly fiesta dishes hehe). And the desserts! Huh. I have to blog about each one…

Last Friday, on the way home, I sat beside an old man in the van. He was obviously a WW II veteran, since he wore that classic Army hat, spoke perfect English, was very gracious and he exuded a unique confidence you only see in military men. Anyway, I couldn’t help but glance at him once in a while, and maybe he noticed, that he smiled. I hope I didn’t look like I was checking him out in a…er… bad way. But anyway, I was thinking of my own grandfather. And that time, I wanted to ask this old man questions – about his life story. I wanted to ask him about his experiences, about life during the war, about… everything! But it was too quiet in the van and I know it would have been so odd for me to ask him stuff. Then I thought… I hope his grandchildren are taking the time to chat with him, and he’s able to share his stories with them. I would love to sit in one of their gatherings just to listen….

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You may be wondering how come i don’t write about my other set of grandparents – my Mama’s parents. It’s because I was able to spend some precious time with my grandfather before he died when I was 9. Lolo Esting (Ernesto) is the eldest of three boys, he was a mechanical engineer (an my Mama always told me that he would have been so proud to have his youngest granddaughter pass the engineering licensure exams – sigh), he worked in the government for several years as a district engineer under the Ministry (Department) of Public Works. He has always been the one who helped out my Mama during family crisis, even when we were in far away Davao City, he found a way to visit us on my first birthday.

Lolo Esting loved ice cream. When we went back to our province in 1988, he would pick me up from school and treat me for ice cream. I never really loved ice cream, but since it was a treat, I devoured it. Hehe. So when he died in 1990 (heart attack while watching a replay of the Mike Tyson fight on TV), I had dreams about him picking me up from school and eating ice cream. On some occasions, I think I did see him (either my imagination, or it was for real) way after his death. I was also the youngest among his grandchildren, so that makes me an instant “favorite” (I’d like to believe that hehe). Oh how he would have loved to see me walk the stage as an engineering graduate. SIGH.

So there, while Lolo Esting didn’t fight during the war (he had a heart condition and was not recruited in the Army), I had solid memories of him. We spent weekends in his “farm” with a fishpond and a beach house. His home was located beside the sea (which is now owned by his second wife, we still visit her), he drove that white Jeep (the real Jeep) while his dog followed him by foot. Even on his wake, his dog slept beside his casket.

Anyway, I am remembering him now, because of that old man I saw last Friday.

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Totally not grandfather-related… I have someone new! And he’s sitting on my desk

His name is Richard, and I really like him. In fact, my colleagues like him as well, they want me to cut him up so they can have one too…

Oh, I haven’t mentioned, Richard is my new oregano plant. I got him from another office when we had a meeting, and they had rows of oregano plants in plastic cups, and when I showed interest on the plants, they gave me one – the oregano in a Starbucks cup, with a name written on it – Richard. Hehehe!

So there, I cut up Richard today (and I also cut myself – haha, careless) and planted it in another container, for Laiza. She named her new plant – Migs.

Maybe by the end of the month, I’d be able to take another branch from Richard and replant.

I love plants! They don’t talk and move. Hehe.

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So happy about gmail video chat! Just sucks when the chat feature acts up when i’m not at home. Sigh. Hope it gets better tomorrow.

by David Archuleta

I’ve been alone so many nights now
And I’ve been waiting for the stars to fall
I keep holding out for what I don’t know
To be with you
Just to be with you

And when you’re standing here in front of me
That’s when I know that God does exist
‘Cause He will have answered every single prayer
To be with you
Just to be with you

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for you. be safe.

Love, love, love this song, by the Savage Garden. It was included in the soundtrack of the movie, The Other Sister. The song is fun, the movie was fun too. Just in the mood for fun, upbeat music!

Hope you enjoy The Animal Song as much as I do.

This is actually a revival by Sarah Geronimo. Been listening to it recently.. hmm…nice

I never believed in love
I was deceived by love
I never had much luck
With lovers before

And I couldn’t compete
I seemed just part of the street
To be walked on by everyone but then

Then I found a very special love in you
It’s a feeling that’s so totally new
Over and over it’s burning inside
And I found a very special love in you
And it almost breaks me in two
Squeezing me tighter
But I’m never gonna let go

You’re not like the rest
I know you’re one of the best
You give more than you should
And take nothing in return

Stay always with me
And I always will be
The one person that you can count on
Always to love you

And I found a very special love in you
It’s a feeling that’s so totally new
Over and over it’s burning inside
And I found a very special love in you
And it almost breaks me in two
Squeezing me tighter
But I’m never gonna let go

My all-time favorite. It seems that today is a good time to sing it

by Savage Garden

I’ll be your dream
I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy.
I’ll be your hope
I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
‘Coz I’m counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
yeah

I’ll be your dream
I’ll be your wish
I’ll be your fantasy.
I’ll be your hope
I’ll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I’ll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do…

I am so sorry, the craving of the tongue and stomach has again endured, and I couldn’t resist the Sisig Hooray meal. Again. I know, I just finished a Taebo session and I’m supposed to be making myself healthy. But here I am, I just gobbled up rice with chopped chicharon, onions, chilli and oil! Hmm…

I will go to Taekwondo training on Sunday, I PROMISE! And Taebo sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays. Grr. Ok, ok! I will NOT eat sisig, isaw and the like, until my birthday. Will that be fair enough, heart of mine? Will you promise to keep on beating until my 30th birthday?

Love lots,

zahflo

I just read an article this morning about remedies for asthma. It mentioned that 2 cups of strong coffee can help if you need medication but you do not have your meds at the moment. Turns out caffeine has similar effects as that of the main ingredient in an asthma medication.

Hmmm.

Hello coffee, chocolates and cocoa!

I just heard abt another death today. An orgmate’s sister passed away, tho I don’t know the details. Anyway, she had to postpone her wedding plans this year. I feel sad for her and her family for the loss, of course. I do not mean to be insensitive or what, but the tragedy did not stick to my mind today. Rather, what struck me is the idea of marriage.

I was texting another orgmate (BTW, “orgmate” is someone you know in the same organization, hehe) a while ago and asked her about her wedding plans. Turned out that her parents aren’t ready to let her go yet. So she, too, has to postpone the plan. I suddenly remembered what my Mama told me before: “why the rush? If you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with that one person anyway, then there’s no need to get married ASAP.”

Of course, when you’re in love and totally crazy about your special someone, you just can’t wait to be “officially married”.

While walking to the shuttle station, I was pondering on that thought. Couples, on their wedding day, share that moment when everything is perfect. Then after the wedding, depending on the situation of course, reality sinks in and they start facing the challenges – the most obvious one is the financial aspect. Then, in the Philippines, a lot of couples either live with one’s parents, or the other way, the parents live with them. And they face the second challenge – dealing with in-laws. Then the next one comes after the romance has taken a backseat – the little flaws you used to ignore becomes annoying, and then becomes an issue. Then the next big challenge – the baby. And I wonder, is that the reason most people who reach their 30’s and are still single, end up being single longer? Because they have seen enough that they fear having a hard time. Because their friend ended up like this or like that, and they want to “be prepared”, either financially or “emotionally” (whatever that means, who is ever emotionally ready for anything anyway?) Because they want to be “sure” that the next one is “the right one”, or simply “the one”.

Well, here’s news for you. Whoever is the next one for me is the Nth one, hopefully the last (I was supposed to say the exact number, but, nah) I do hope he will be right for me, but I also pray that I am the right one for him. See, I have this “image” of a man that I want, the kind of man that will stand up for me (okay, figuratively and literally, hehehe), the man that I share the same values and vision with, someone I can share my dreams, fantasies and crazy ideas without fear or shame. I have this vivid image of how he will treat me, how he would brush my hair with his fingers and sing to me no matter how awful his singing voice might sound. I have this image of the man who will be my last, the last one who, hopefully, will wait till my death before he finds a new one.

Because I have experienced the challenges of preparing for a child to come, I realized, you do not just prepare for a wedding. You do not just plan which church to have the ceremonies in, what dress to wear and where to have the honeymoon. You have to prepare for life after. Life waaay after the wedding. Life after she loses that figure and he loses his hair. Life after the kids have grown and have lives of their own. Of course you prepare one step at a time, the same way that you live every day, one day at a time.

Sigh. Of course, all these, are just words of a hopeless romantic who thought she almost had it. Well, I’m glad it was just “almost”, because I also “almost” went straight to hell (haha!). Anyway, these are my thoughts tonight, and since I’m all mushy cheezy chummy, let me share this really great song from Side A, a Filipino band popular for its romantic, emotional songs. Enjoy.

I was mostly at home this weekend, and I didn’t do anything “productive”. I feel a bit sad, but mostly, I feel numb. Like, I don’t care about responsibilities at the moment. I just want to be lazy, surf the net, watch TV, take afternoon naps.

But tomorrow’s monday again, and I have to be back to my “responsible” self. See, when the bills come, I wake up and realize, darn. No one’s gonna do things for me. Sigh.

Sometimes, I wish I can go back to just being a kid who doesn’t have a clue about what’s really going on.

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Someone out there is going through tough times. Someone, who is forced to face the pain of being left behind, of being insulted and denied. Pretty much like how it was for me. But this is much worse, because they are married, and they have a kid. And when you are married and your husband DENIES you in front of everybody, the pain is worse than anything else. I feel for her. And I am glad she’s toughing up and is taking the necessary steps to be free.

I always wonder why guys could do that. Sometimes, when I hear of a man who is so heartbroken he wants to kill himself, I silently laugh at him and say “that’s for all the women your kind has hurt. bastard.” I know it’s not fair. Let’s just say, we all have the right to be (silently) bitter sometimes.

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It’s weird, that even though I am making an effort to move forward and not let the past trap me anymore, I am forced to look back and remember. Because someone asks me how it was, how I dealt with it, how “he” dealt with it. And I have to share, because this person is going through a similar situation. Well, with all honesty, I know that I have somehow moved on, and I no longer have the desire to get back together. But it’s like, I am not supposed to forget. Because someone else might need the info. Sigh.

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I showed Lex his father’s photo BTW. And Lex just said “what is that?”. I told him, that’s your daddy. Then suddenly, Lex shoved the photo away and made this “i don’t care who that is” face. It’s really odd. I insisted on showing him the photo but he didn’t want to look at it anymore. I am surprised, confused, and worried.

I texted his father about it, and he said something like, “it’s expected, because he has been hearing bad things about me”. And i replied something like “excuse me. we never talk about you. I do not allow anyone to tell my son bad things about you because I know how it feels to have people say bad things about my father. My family isn’t like most people out there you know”. Geez. I just hate that he thinks we are like people he knows in his neighborhood who talk trash about people. Lex doesn’t even know he has a father because we don’t talk about it. And I prefer that we don’t. We can discuss it some other time when he starts asking questions.

He just doesn’t have an idea how much I tried to protect him from my family. How much I tried to keep this “issue” between the two of us and no longer drag my family into the picture. He had no idea why I attended hearings all by myself. He has no idea that my family does not decide for me.

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Can you believe he’s asking for a birthday gift from me? I told him, you didn’t even give Lex a birthday gift and a Christmas gift last year. We’re not related, so why would I give you a gift?

Haha. I know. Harsh.

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See, 5 years. And I still blog about “him”! Darn. Oh well, that means I need to read more new books. (connect?)

But then I watch war movies now. Watched part 5 of The Pacific today. Maybe that’s an indication that I have totally moved forward. Soldiers being killed, bombs, etc. etc.doesn’t bother me anymore. Just don’t let me watch Army Wives.

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I know I sound annoying about not wanting to blog about the past but still it finds its way through  my posts. Maybe it’s true, I heard somewhere, that people dwell in the past because there are no new memories yet that will surpass it. Something like that. While my experience as a mom has been priceless, it’s not something that will make the past seem like a dream (duh, it even solidifies the past because of its “result”!). Anyway, life is calling. I know it’s time to make new memories. New, worthwhile, priceless memories. With people who matter more than what was.

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Watched Ghost Town on HBO today. I liked the soundtrack. And the story. Here’s one of the songs. It fits where I’m at.

(movie trailer)

What I’m Looking For

Well I don’t know what I’m looking for
But I know that I just wanna look some more
And I won’t be satisfied
‘Till there’s nothing left that I haven’t tried
For some people it’s an easy choice
But for me there’s a devil and an angel’s voice
Well I don’t know what I am looking for
But I know that I just wanna look some more

Looking for…
What I’m looking for…