Control
The past weeks, Lex has been very VERY naughty, to the brink of being bad. since his 11 year old cousin moved in with us, Lex’s behavior has changed drastically. And I can say it is a big challenge for me as a mom.
My nephew needs some attention from my Mama since he does not have good study habits, and we found out from his teacher that he has been showing some weird behavior in school (more of a manifestation of his emotional pains as a kid, I guess) and my Mama decided that it is best to pay close attention to him. So Mama does what she has always done best when we were kids – she tutors my nephew among other “mommy” chores that she does for all of us at home.
So here comes Lex, who has been so used to all the attention, and he bullies his cousin to no end. Imagine Lex taking his cousin’s slippers and hiding them so his cousin goes barefoot. Then Lex takes his cousin’s glass of water and gulps it down, then runs and laughs out loud. He refuses to share his toys. He even refuses to let the maid cook hotdog for his cousin, because for the longest time, the hotdog has always been solely for Lex.
At first, we just tell his cousin to be patient, since Lex is way younger. But everyday, the two of them would play, then fight, then one of them gets hurt, and when no one is looking, Lex’s cousin becomes impatient and has hurt Lex a few times. Of course, it must have been provoked. So Mama separates them as much as possible.
This week, I took a sick leave and stayed home for 2 days. Lex threw several tantrums and it didn’t even involve his cousin. That’s when I realized that he has really changed. It’s like he wanted to make us really mad all the time! Since I was at home, Mama just sat back and let me take control. At first, I got soooo annoyed, so I raised my voice. No impact. Next, I slapped his butt with my hands. No impact. The “dog threat” works all the time, but it only causes Lex to scream louder. (the “dog threat” – I threaten to I carry him out to the dalmatian who is always barking at him) What works best is when I carry him to the room (sometimes I have to pull him while he’s lying on the floor and screaming – an ugly sight), I let him sit on his chair to cool off. Believe me, it takes a lot of self control to avoid hitting him back (yes, he hits me with those little hands of his, masakit ah!). I imagine all kinds of punishments for him – which can possibly get me to jail – so I just imagine and let it pass… What ultimately works for Lex is the silent treatment and the sharp, killer stare. It’s funny when you get to see us stare at each other, arms folded. Like we’re waiting for a face off. Hehe. When he stops screaming, that’s when i talk to him. I let him look straight into my eyes and tell him how he should behave. When he starts acting up again, I raise my voice and point a finger. I am not sure if it’s the right thing to do. But I have avoided physical punishments as much as I can.
Yesterday, it was a first. Lex was soooo angry that he threw his toys everywhere because i wouldn’t let him sit on MY chair. I mean come on, there are a lot of other chairs, why snatch my chair? So I got fed up, I gave him my chair and took another chair. Accidentally, the chair hit his Lego robot, and he used that as a reason to get really mad. So he picked up what remained of the robot, and threw it at the wall. Which of course irked me, and I gave him the stare. No impact. I picked up the Lego pieces and told him I’d get rid of it. He screamed “NO!!!”, picked up the pieces himself, and threw them everywhere. Some hit me, some didn’t. I got so upset, I carried him to the room and after a few minutes, he calmed down. But as he sat down he closed his fists and screamed, making his whole head turn red. It’s like he wanted to hit me but was holding back. It was… alarming. but he sat down and I turned on the fan (he was all sweaty) and left the room. Then the screams got louder. After a few minutes, I peeped into the room and found him sleeping on the bed. It was around past 5pm, and he slept through the night.
Anyway, I cannot even imagine how I would have to deal with his outbursts when he gets older. My brother was not at home so no one could really “control” him. Although I was able to calm him down this time, well, for how long? When he’s taller than me already, he can just run away and I can’t carry him to the room anymore. Sigh. It is during these times that I wonder how it would have been if his father was around. Will his commanding voice be enough?
But then what is the use of wondering “what if”.
My son is five years old. Getting older by the day, and I have no other choice but to grow with him. since none of us behaved like that as kids, my Mama doesn’t know how to deal with it as well. So it’s another surprise practical exam from God. I hope I get passing grades.
hi lisa. i think this is a stage when they reach 5 because hannah is just like this and like you, my siblings and i were never this bad (yes, as much as it pains me, she is getting to be bad)so I’m at wits end. But there are times when she’s this really, really sweet and obedient girl. what i try to do, now that she has a sibling, is to have “dates” with her to let her feel that she has not been replaced by the younger one and it helps and keeps my sanity. hope this helps.
i guess it’s a gradual thing – kids defy the authority to see how far they can go. and I imagine that it will get more “challenging” as the years go by. i am also bracing for the eventuality of having a (new) husband (cross fingers) in the future, and if we are blessed with a new child, that’s another challenge. phew. but anyway, parenthood never ends, does it? i mean for most people, even after their parents has passed, they still ask their parents for “guidance”. in my case, I am glad my mom is here.