while I'm waiting…

I already have 4 years worth of blog posts and since 2006, a lot of things changed about my situation. I can say, like any other pains in life, the first year was the worst. I had to deal with a lot of pain since my son’s father has decided to move on without us. the worst thing was the rumors. I have known him since we were 12, so I felt really betrayed that the people in our hometown had the nerve to judge me and spread rumors that could ruin my family’s reputation. anyway, after a lot of drama, the father and I are now in speaking terms. He has signed the paper works and is now taking part in his son’s life. So far, he considers me his friend like nothing changed since we were in high school. And I treat him just like any other classmate. We have both moved on with our lives, and even if sometimes I get disappointed with the way he treats his role as a father, I just go on with my life as a single parent, praying that this unconventional set up will not hinder my son from becoming a good person.

So while the father and I remain unmarried, we have not decided to get back together. Rather, we both have agreed to be parents to our son and remain friends for his sake. So the father calls once in a while, maybe to catch up after totally ignoring his son for 2 years. He tells me about borrowing our son on vacations, and while that seems like a good idea, I doubt whether he will follow through.

And that is the real deal.

National elections in the Philippines is on Monday, May 10, 2010. Candidates and supporters are doing their last minute campaign all over the country, while TV, print media and radio companies are making big bucks on political campaign ads.

With all these political circus going on, a thought popped in my mind: most of the candidates say they have the solution to our country’s problems. But do they really? Among all the presidential candidates, only 2 or 3 have mentioned that the solution starts with the people. Two of the candidates boldly say the President can stop poverty and corruption. I think what the other 3 candidates say about people being the solution makes more sense to me. I know people would tell me, of course that’s not exactly what the candidate means (about the Pres. being the solution), but still, the image that he/they show/s is “vote for me, I will solve the problems, poverty will be eradicated…” whatever. (there won’t be any poor people coz all of them would probably die of hunger already).

Anyway, although they have all these brilliant ideas on how to help the country, the point of this post is that people should realize that the President, and the government in general, is our PARTNER in helping the nation rise again. The President may be brilliant, but if the people around him are (still) corrupt, what good does it do to have that President? We already had one who had a clean track record, but still.

The point is that change really does have to start with the individual. People should be empowered to make a change, of course, with the good example from the people in the higher ups.

I remember reading from a mommy blog that says something like “mothers rule the world” because it is the mothers who raise children who eventually become the nation’s problem, or the nation’s problem solver. So when you really look at it, it starts with good parenting, supported by a good educational system, with a government that protects its people’s rights, etc. My point is, the government merely supports the Filipino family, but it is our choice as individuals whether or not to support the government by abiding by its rules.

This partnership should start the positive change we have been longing for. And there are actually candidates whose platform of government supports that idea. Unfortunately, I am a government employee and being the good girl that I am, I will not post in my blog whoever is my choice for President. The only thing I can say is I will not vote for puppets (people who do not decide for themselves).

May 10 is my first time to vote (imagine I am nearing my 30’s and I have never voted before – I was apathetic because I didn’t believe in change anymore). This time, though, along with thousands of Filipinos who have caught the “hope” virus, believing that it is still possible to have a better government, I will also hope. As they say, nothing is impossible. Maybe the Philippines can regain its honor, just like when it was just no. 2 next to Japan, and the Philippine currency exchange was PhP 2 = US$ 1. Maybe someday, we can tell our grandchildren “you are lucky to be born in this generation, because our country used to be poor and lawless, but look at it now…”

There is always hope, right?

(photo source)

I’ve never really given much thought about the April 9 annual holiday. I just realized how important it should be for our family. Because April 9 is the Philippine celebration for the Filipino and American soldiers who fought against the Japanese. April 9 was the Fall of Bataan, where thousands of Filipino and American soldiers were taken by the Japanese and were forced to march through three provinces, which was later called the Death March.

Why is it important for our family? Because my grandfather (my dad’s father) survived the Death March. He was a World War II veteran, and he was only 18 years old at that time. Had he died during that march, my family wouldn’t be here today. I know a lot of other soldiers survived that time, and their grandchildren are enjoying life today. I just hope that they, too, appreciate the struggles that their grandparents had to endure during the war.

It’s just unfortunate that I never spent time with my grandfather to get to know him, and his many stories as a war veteran, and as a soldier during the Vietnam war. If there are any regrets in life that I have, it’s not getting to know my grandparents while they were alive. I was in college when my grandfather died, and my grandmother (his second wife) told me he would call out my name before he died. (I’m the only granddaughter, that’s why) and it was so so sad that I wasn’t there.

Looking at photos online about the Bataan Death March, I found some interesting blogs here and here. The photos were… I don’t know how to explain the feeling. But one thing I know is that I want to thank my grandfather, and the many other grandfathers out there, alive and not, who fought and won the war. If your grandfather is also a war veteran, I thank him, and I celebrate his life with you.

=====

I remember the story of how my great grandfather (mother’s side) survived the Death March. It was evening and the Filipino and American war prisoners were gathered in a sugarcane field in the province of Tarlac to sleep. My great grandfather opted to squeeze his body in between sugarcane shrubs because it was cooler than the ground. It was April so it’s the middle of summer in the Philippines. So he slept, and when he woke up, he realized that he was left behind. The Japanese soldiers did not see him. He made sure that no one alive was around (all around him were dead bodies), then he headed to his home, which is also in Tarlac. When he got home, my great grandmother didn’t recognize him, but of course, she was so happy as soon as she learned it was her husband. My great grandfather lived until after my mother was born.

======

Another thing that reminded me, and inspired me to write about the Fall of Bataan today, is the HBO miniseries “The Pacific“, which is similar to the “Band of Brothers“. I am not a fan of war movies because it’s depressing, but I suddenly remembered my grandfather since snippets of the miniseries would be shown when I watch TV. (too bad I don’t have his old photos)

=======

I am honored to be the youngest and only granddaughter of Capt. Juanito Gutierrez Bacani.

My morning routine is this: wake up, get out of bed, get my towel, get hot water, take a bath, dress up, kiss Lex, kiss Mama, leave the house.

But the nicest part of that routine is while I dress up, Lex would wake up and say “good morning”. He says it this way – “good moning mummy” (there’s no “r”) while he rubs his eyes.

This morning, it was different. Since he started talking straight, complete sentences, his words hit like bullets.

Lex: Mommy, you going to work again? Mommy’s tired na eh. Wag ka na work (don’t go to work anymore)

Ah, Lex. You have no idea how I want to do just that. Not go to work. not worry about money. Just stay home to watch cartoons with you. Make you breakfast and read, write, draw, dance, sing with you!

Recently, an option to transfer jobs came again. And I am seriously considering it. But I know it’s gonna cost me something really important: my time. Working in government gives me a lot of time to do other things. It also makes emergency leaves easy for me.

But then again, I do not intend to work for long. That is the reason I am working so hard. so I can eventually leave my job and start living MY life, and not just go do the daily grind to survive the month.

So Lex, while Mommy’s at it, just keep greeting me in the morning. And remind me, everyday, that I am tired. And I should be a full time mommy soon.