while I'm waiting…

Last Friday, my colleague and I decided to hang out together since it has been a while since we have gone out. So she offered to have some wine in their home, but we had dinner out first and I bought some barbeque on the way. I was hoping to buy barbeque at Dannylicious in Project 4, unfortunately, it has moved to another location, instead, a new barbeque house stood where Dannylicious used t be. The barbeque tasted fine, but a little bit on the sweet side. I miss Dannylicious! I have to find out where it has relocated.But okay, maybe after September. I ate a lot of isaw in 2 days, I have to keep my cholesterol in check hehehe.

Anyway, my colleague and I were having a good time talking and sipping wine at her place when my brother texted me, that Lex was rushed to the hospital because his face and the rest of his body were swollen, with red patches. Allergy. It was great that my colleague and her husband took me home and Lex was there already by the time I arrived. The doc gave him some antihistamine, and we just had to wait. Good thing it only affected his skin, and not his respiratory system. Lex had a potluck in school earlier in the day and ate something that might have triggered the allergy. The doc said that most likely, it was the cooking oil used in frying the banana he ate.

Lex looked really awful that night, even after some of the patches have subsided. His face looked like it was hit – a bit of red and swelling on the lips and the forehead.

Anyway, I am just glad he is safe, but man, this is like the nth health scare in the past month! But well, ok, I’ll take the “health scare”, as long as it’s nothing really serious (and expensive hehe).

So, take care of your health and your family, folks!

My previous blog post was about health issues in our family. This week, all of us went to the doctor for another round of check ups. My Mama’s cough didn’t subside despite her taking anti-biotics and cough medications, and her x-ray showed her lungs to be clear. She decided to have an appointment with an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. She had her larynx checked and it turned out she had allergies and it caused her to cough continuously. The worst part was, she has been eating the wrong foods and drinking the wrong drinks. She wasn’t supposed to eat anything citrus, drink tea, coffee, milk or anything citrus also. The exact foods I have been insisting she take. Bad, bad, bad. So that’s what doctor’s check ups are for. As they always say, do not self medicate. Huh.

After that, it was my turn to have a general surgeon check the results of my annual physical exam which found something in my breasts. So yesterday, I had a breast ultrasound, and when the technician started clicking on the screen and measuring some black stuff, I got concerned, but she wouldn’t tell me what those are. She tells me to wait for the results. I do hope those are benign lumps just like what was taken out 8 years ago. (Prayers are welcome )

Today, i brought Lex back to his pediatrician (finally, I found someone who we feel very safe and comfortable with near our area) to have his sty and nose checked. Turned out we only need to do warm compress on his eye, and give him a decongestant only when needed. This doctor does not want to give unnecessary medications and explains things very thoroughly, never rushing his patients out the door.

Before being called by the pediatrician, Lex and I looked at photos displayed at the hospital wall, of surgeons in action – taking out a breast mass. Of course the photos were gross, especially the one that showed the mass and nipples removed. Lex kept asking me what those were. (remember he kept insisting to watch that cesarian section video) So I asked him if he wanted to be a doctor, the one who slices people up (hehe), and I think he liked the idea. Haha. Then he told me I should be one too (hmmm). Anyway, maybe someday we can be classmates in medical school. Why not, right?

So lesson learned this week – seek advice from the expert. Do not self medicate.

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Update: I got the results of the breast ultrasound, and the doc said I have nothing to worry about. I will just have to come back for another test 6 months from now, to see if anything changes. But for now, I can relax.

For the past 2 weeks, Lex, Mama and I have been sick. Mama and Lex had coughs, and I had fevers and colds. Lex and Mama both had their x-rays done, and the doctor even considered tuberculosis for Mama. To which I told her, er, stay away? Hehehe. Then the surprise came – Mama’s lungs were clear (thank God!), but Lex’s wasn’t. The x-ray reading said: “Consider primary complex”. Primary complex is tuberculosis in children. While the doctor explained that children are not contagious, adults are. And if Lex indeed has it, then he got it from an adult. Since Mama and I had our x-rays done recently, and we were both clear, then if Lex is positive, it must be my brother or the maid.

The pediatrician gave me two options: start primary complex medication, which lasts for 6 months with three different medicines, or have a skin test done, and if Lex turns out to be negative, then he only needs 3 months medication using only one medicine. So I had the skin test done. The doc said if his skin swells within 2 days, then it is positive. If the skin appears normal and we couldn’t find where he had the injection in the first place, then it is negative.

Thank God, Lex tested negative. So now he will just have to take medications once a day for 3 months. He was prescribed with Isoniazid + Pyridoxine HCl (250 mg /5 mL), which is treatment for tuberculosis. He will take it early in the morning on an empty stomach.

So there. Another health scare. I was preparing for the worst, after Lex had pneumonia twice before he was 3 yo.

I am glad that despite the hassle, we are recovering. Hopefully, the worst has passed.

The past weeks, Lex has been very VERY naughty, to the brink of being bad. since his 11 year old cousin moved in with us, Lex’s behavior has changed drastically. And I can say it is a big challenge for me as a mom.

My nephew needs some attention from my Mama since he does not have good study habits, and we found out from his teacher that he has been showing some weird behavior in school (more of a manifestation of his emotional pains as a kid, I guess) and my Mama decided that it is best to pay close attention to him. So Mama does what she has always done best when we were kids – she tutors my nephew among other “mommy” chores that she does for all of us at home.

So here comes Lex, who has been so used to all the attention, and he bullies his cousin to no end. Imagine Lex taking his cousin’s slippers and hiding them so his cousin goes barefoot. Then Lex takes his cousin’s glass of water and gulps it down, then runs and laughs out loud. He refuses to share his toys. He even refuses to let the maid cook hotdog for his cousin, because for the longest time, the hotdog has always been solely for Lex.

At first, we just tell his cousin to be patient, since Lex is way younger. But everyday, the two of them would play, then fight, then one of them gets hurt, and when no one is looking, Lex’s cousin becomes impatient and has hurt Lex a few times. Of course, it must have been provoked. So Mama separates them as much as possible.

This week, I took a sick leave and stayed home for 2 days. Lex threw several tantrums and it didn’t even involve his cousin. That’s when I realized that he has really changed. It’s like he wanted to make us really mad all the time! Since I was at home, Mama just sat back and let me take control. At first, I got soooo annoyed, so I raised my voice. No impact. Next, I slapped his butt with my hands. No impact. The “dog threat” works all the time, but it only causes Lex to scream louder. (the “dog threat” – I threaten to I carry him out to the dalmatian who is always barking at him) What works best is when I carry him to the room (sometimes I have to pull him while he’s lying on the floor and screaming – an ugly sight), I let him sit on his chair to cool off. Believe me, it takes a lot of self control to avoid hitting him back (yes, he hits me with those little hands of his, masakit ah!). I imagine all kinds of punishments for him – which can possibly get me to jail – so I just imagine and let it pass… What ultimately works for Lex is the silent treatment and the sharp, killer stare. It’s funny when you get to see us stare at each other, arms folded. Like we’re waiting for a face off. Hehe. When he stops screaming, that’s when i talk to him. I let him look straight into my eyes and tell him how he should behave. When he starts acting up again, I raise my voice and point a finger. I am not sure if it’s the right thing to do. But I have avoided physical punishments as much as I can.

Yesterday, it was a first. Lex was soooo angry that he threw his toys everywhere because i wouldn’t let him sit on MY chair. I mean come on, there are a lot of other chairs, why snatch my chair? So I got fed up, I gave him my chair and took another chair. Accidentally, the chair hit his Lego robot, and he used that as a reason to get really mad. So he picked up what remained of the robot, and threw it at the wall. Which of course irked me, and I gave him the stare. No impact. I picked up the Lego pieces and told him I’d get rid of it. He screamed “NO!!!”, picked up the pieces himself, and threw them everywhere. Some hit me, some didn’t. I got so upset, I carried him to the room and after a few minutes, he calmed down. But as he sat down he closed his fists and screamed, making his whole head turn red. It’s like he wanted to hit me but was holding back. It was… alarming. but he sat down and I turned on the fan (he was all sweaty) and left the room. Then the screams got louder. After a few minutes, I peeped into the room and found him sleeping on the bed. It was around past 5pm, and he slept through the night.

Anyway, I cannot even imagine how I would have to deal with his outbursts when he gets older. My brother was not at home so no one could really “control” him. Although I was able to calm him down this time, well, for how long? When he’s taller than me already, he can just run away and I can’t carry him to the room anymore. Sigh. It is during these times that I wonder how it would have been if his father was around. Will his commanding voice be enough?

But then what is the use of wondering “what if”.

My son is five years old. Getting older by the day, and I have no other choice but to grow with him. since none of us behaved like that as kids, my Mama doesn’t know how to deal with it as well. So it’s another surprise practical exam from God. I hope I get passing grades.

Dear God,

Thank You for this month, the fifth year of my “motherhood”, the fifth year of life with my son, Lex. It has been a great month, and hopefully just the beginning of more wonderful months to come. In the meantime, thank You for…

… my little five year old, Lex! Gosh, it has been five years? and he can speak better now. He tells stories with matching sound effects, facial expressions and actions. He’s adorable (of course, I’m the mom) and is so sweet. He can be a pain at times, especially if he wants something we don’t approve of. He can be very VERY stubborn and persistent. But I think it’s God’s way to train me as a parent. Do you know how it is when coaches give you a hard time, just so you develop mental toughness and physical agility? It’s the same way with Lex. He is God’s practical exam. Thank You God, for Lex. I am up for practical exams every day, if it means more memories and precious moments with my baby

… my very patient Mama, who has taken double responsibility over watching Lex and my nephew. thank You, God, for keeping her health, despite some challenges with hypertension recently. I hope she gets to recover and that the kids will behave more so she won’t get too stressed out. She says the kids are a big headache, which also means “I love these kids, I’d be so lonely without them”. Haha!

… friends. Lovely people who I can share my deepest thoughts and feelings with, without fear of being judged or stereotyped. Friends who I can reach through phone, chat or mental telepathy (kidding – I wish!). How would my world be without them? I’d probably had gone crazy talking to imaginary creatures… hehe

… the possibilities that make me smile throughout the day accompanied by phone calls and messages and God knows what next (see, smiles )

… my job, my extra-curriculars, my books, my CDs, music, and all the things that take up my time…

… technology, especially the Internet, that gives people an opportunity to stay connected

… reliable cellphones! Overseas phone calls and unlimited texts. And the fact that in the Philippines, we don’t get charged for received calls and text messages.

… green-eyed creatures and giant teddy bears

And I can’t think of more because for now, I am most thankful for LOVE.

We celebrated Lex’s fifth birthday yesterday, July 17. It’s been five years already? It seemed like it was just yesterday when I had my caesarian section that is similar to this video.

ready to blow the candle - after playing outside

Anyway, I am thankful for the five years, and the nine months prior to that. I never imagined how it would be after Lex’s birth. all I knew was I wasn’t prepared for any of it.

I am really grateful to God for Lex’s life – it has somehow “forced” me to see beyond myself and actually live and look forward to the future. I am amazed at how Lex is turning out. He is really eager to learn more in school, and everywhere else (sometimes it can be annoying), and he has become so sweet that it’s easy to forgive him when he’s all naughty and bad.

His fifth birthday celebration went out really well, considering that this inexperienced mom didn’t prepare well for it (hehe). We cooked the usual birthday food – spaghetti, hotdogs, chicken, lumpiang shanghai, and the birthday treats – cake and ice cream! then my collague came by with her family, and as promised, she hosted some games for the kids, who really had fun.

Lex enjoyed all his gifts, and is more sociable now, so he was really game with the pictures, and he greeted each visitor that came by, and he said goodbye as they left. And I think he really enjoyed all the attention.

Lex’s dad called up in the afternoon to greet him. I handed the phone to Lex, who only said ‘hello’, then shoved the phone away. Unfortunately, I had to listen to his dad sing ‘happy birthday’, hahaha. As always, he ‘promised’ to take Lex out the ‘next time’ he’s ‘available’.

Anyway, the night ended with left over spaghetti and cake that will last us for several days, depending on our appetite hehe. Today, I will be taking Lex out for Timezone and maybe a movie if he feels like it, and to get him his new clothes, care of the father who is now in far away Basilan.

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I am glad to note that this year is unfolding with a lot of surprises and new things – VERY new things, that leaves me awed and excited at the same time. I’m not sure of what the future holds, but I know that several little choices can lead to something really wonderful – something I have always prayed for, hoped for, longed for. And as they say, nothing of value is easy. So while chasing this new dream may be VERY inconvenient, emotionally draining and unsure, I think the risk is worth it. Besides, in a blink of an eye, Lex will be 15, and I, 40. Gosh, I would have liked to have done something really significant in between!

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Most of the single moms I knew, who eventually found their current husbands, started seriously dating again after their kids turned five. And now I’m wondering, is it my time as well?

Haha, well, we never know.

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All in all, I am looking forward to more birthday celebrations for Lex.

Thank you for coming over: my good friend Meong and his wonderful family Heide and Ivy, Ms. Lorie (from Lex’s school), my cousin Irene, the neighborhood kids Niel, Mikey and sister, and Ian, UPSCAns Margie, Louise and Nanette with little Lina, my colleagues Atty. Grace and her family, Arvin, Thea and Julian, the ‘late’ Laiza (hehe kidding, she was late), and of course my big bro Cris and his son Grendel. And always grateful for my Mama and our kasambahay, Dedeng.

Thank You, Lord, for these angels in our lives!

Do you ever wonder why a wake becomes a family reunion, when in fact you have attempted to invite family for gatherings – weddings, birthdays, baptisms, etc. – and they never come. When someone dies, everyone comes.

Anyway, this time, it was our turn to show up. See, my siblings and I never met our father’s side of the family when we were growing up. I’m not sure why, but maybe because we spent 8 years in Davao and by the time we went back to Luzon, my father didn’t give much thought about introducing us to the rest of the family.

My uncle found me on Facebook. Can you believe it? And I was thrilled to see people who I share my family name with. Finally, I belong somewhere! So just last month we met them in a family gathering and I was overwhelmed at all my cousins – there were a lot of them I couldn’t remember their names.

Then my grand aunt passed away, and it was an opportunity to meet them again. What was amazing to me was – the wake and the funeral was the most peaceful and “happy” one I’ve been. My uncles and aunt were not exactly sad, but they were emotional when they reminisced about how wonderful their mother was. And it was a blessing to a lot of us. To get a glimpse of the life this woman lived – for her family. hearing the eulogy that my aunt prepared gave me an idea of how mothers and wives should be. And even if I’m practically a stranger in that wake (because I barely know them – we just met a month ago!), I felt like somehow, I have found a family to emulate. That somehow, if Lexx asks me how a normal family looks like, I can tell him about my uncles’ family and he will understand what I mean.

That night was special for me because after a long time, my brothers and I were able to spend a few hours with my father and the rest of the family. There were no long talks or whatever. Mostly there were just hi’s hello’s how are you’s. But it was enough.

I can’t exactly describe the feeling, but it was like meeting people for the first time but you feel like you’ve known them all your life. It didn’t feel weird for me to stay with them the whole day.

Maybe it’s because as far as I know, we didn’t owe them, and they didn’t owe us, anything. So the feeling was light. Unlike with my other family, it feels odd living with them, because we owe them a lot. I’m not being ungrateful. Just that I didn’t feel too welcome because I was an added burden. Which I’m probably not, but that’s how I felt at that time.

Anyway, my point is, I am glad. My Lex wouldn’t be missing out too much on not “belonging” to his father’s family (it’s a relief for me), because just with my mother’s and father’s sides of the family – he can already say he’s got enough love.

Bacani Family

with my Papa and Kuyas

blessed with 2 nuns, a pastor and a bishop in the family

*thanks, Tito Mon, for the photos

first day of school, June 2010

My little baby boy just started kindergarten this week. Last Monday, I brought him to school, which is just around 3 houses away from ours. He was the second student to arrive (the first one is the teacher’s daughter), and as soon as he came in, the little girl pulled him inside the classroom to play. So I left without saying goodbye (huhuhu). Later in the evening, he just told me they played in school.

Although I didn’t really get emotional with the “first phase of letting go”, if you will, I gave it a lot of thought. Lex is turning 5 years old this July, and thinking back, I am amazed at how fast the years went by. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I felt him move inside my belly? (ok, when I start thinking about that, I get emotional).

And now he decides on what to wear. I can’t force him to wear what I think is appropriate – he wears what HE wants. So this morning, Friday, is supposed to be their P.E. day. So he has to wear a white T shirt and green jogging pants. He didn’t want to, he insisted to wear the regular uniform. So Lex and my mom argued for a few minutes, until my mom got frustrated and screamed “ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL OR NOT???!!!”, to which Lex just replied with a smirk, his hands on his waist and his foot tapping on the floor. Seriously, it was annoying! He is soooo stubborn. So I tried forcinghim to wear the T-shirt. He pulled it off and squirmed away and shouted “NO!!!”.

So he ended up wearing the regular uniform, and he had to change when he got to school and saw his other classmates wearing the jogging pants. Huh!

There have been a lot of times when I found myself actually TRYING to negotiate with Lex. I can’t believe how difficult it is to convince a 4 year old. How many more years do I have to do this? Gosh.

But at the end of the day, I am thankful for his life, and the amazing things he can do. This is just the first week of school. Huh!

Special thanks to my mom, who has been the one helping Lex with his homework and everything else. I think I’m doing a good job as a dad, except for the part where Lex is supposed to be intimidated by my presence. My brother does that – tell him in a deep, firm voice to “finish your food”.

Anyway, next week I’ll be home most times, and I guess I can have my chance to be a mom.

Lex has been watching the Disney Channel on cable TV since he was 2 years old. It was a good way to distract him and keep him from moving around too much. Since my mother takes care of him and the rest of the household chores when I am not around, letting him watch TV made it convenient for her.

Then the maid had to take a vacation that lasted 4 months. by that time, Lex was barely 4 years old and is really active. So the only way my mother can do some house work done is if she let Lex watch TV for hours. We know it wasn’t ideal, but it was the best option at that time.

Then we noticed the change. At home, we speak Tagalog, the primary Filipino dialect. So we were amazed that Lex has started to speak in English – with the accent! We do speak to him in English, just so he becomes bilingual and it will be easier for him to adjust in school. But we never talk to him in an American or British accent.

So now, we just let him watch cartoons since school has not started yet. We just make sure he watches kid-friendly shows. And wow, I am so amazed at the kind of words he uses on a daily basis. I even learn new ways of saying things in English (I tend to translate literally, and sometimes it sounds weird). And I learned how to speak to him with an accent as well, just so he doesn’t get confused.

twins?

 Another one of my brother’s artwork.   I was supposed to have my own triplets version, but the camera moved a bit and it was ruined. Anyway, my bro also made this nice photo of Lex.   Nice no?